I'm more than half a year into living in a different country with my husband and two kids, I'm half way around the world from my family and friends and in that half a year a lot has changed. I feel like we are settling now. Yes we miss 'home' we miss our family and our friends desperately. Who has taught me the biggest lesson in this whole process? My children. Five and three and they are teaching me every day. What my kids have taught me is that physical distance does not change tense. We don't speak about Scotland in past tense because it's not. We still have all of our family and friends but we have them in a different format. Yes I still do a sharp intake of breath when we encounter something that I think will upset my kids but I'm honest with them and when they say they miss their grandparents I agree with them, I miss them too. I'm honest with them, we are in this together.
Dealing with change is almost like the grief/loss cycle which if you want to you can read more about (here). Even though I chose this change I've still had to deal with the effects of it on us. I've experienced all of the stages of the grief/loss cycle through this process and I was really trying not to compare the two because I didn't want to admit that we were losing anything by moving here. Some days I get homesick, yes, and it's important to acknowledge those feelings but most days I take a leaf out of the kids book, I get on with it and I make an effort to recognise the positives, all the while very much knowing the people we have moved away from are very much there for us and accessible but in a different way.
With both kids now at school and kinder they are making meaningful relationships and with that has came a sense of belonging and a sense of community. I think this is the single most important thing that has happened since we moved and something we had always taken for granted before. I was under the impression that we (the four of us) were all that we needed to feel happy and secure but I was wrong and now realise that was an egotistical thought on my part. It's certainly been a process but I feel we are adjusting and even more than that my children are thriving. The same is happening for me I've definitely started to feel more of myself again (yes I have my moments) but I'm slowly reminding myself that's OK and perhaps I'm not the same as I used to be but being mindful not to beat my self up about it. It's just a bad day, not a bad life.
I think about change a lot maybe because I don't believe in being stagnant, that to be human you are not necessarily a constant that you are on a journey, yes there's one of those buzzwords, and sorry to drop it but I truly believe we are. Once you accept that, it makes life a whole lot easier. Less resistance, more resilience. I may have to keep practising that one but that's my end game for me and my family.
If you are experiencing change, whether that be moving away from home or a change in your status quo I hope this might help give you a different perspective on things. Focus on the positives, be pro-active to seek them out and celebrate your successes. As I was writing this the world decided to give me a sharp reminder of reality and it decided to hail. Yes we moved to Australia and it's haling outside. Ah the irony.
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